073 - 過海隧道尋秦記

還未夠快。我們撿拾的還是皮毛的，我們還是不懂，日子是我們的，但日子不是我們擁有的。
於是我很想睜眼睛看看世界，於是我想把看見過濾了說出來看看。他人說世上太多人寫雞毛蒜皮的自傳吃不消，我說盲目的生活下去大家都自討沒趣將會更吃不消。我不管你來不來，也不管你愛不愛，反正這黑色是我的。去了柬埔寨暹粒吳哥窟，想法如下：的確，旅遊是一個會破壞環境的服務性行業。我去了一個注滿了昨日的迪士尼。很討厭東方日報，”它”社評有關西九龍計劃推遲的內容，大概很合大眾的口味，也給予了師奶和羊群繼續”係囉係囉，要睇表演咪自己去外國睇飽佢囉。香港要什麼藝術，ｄ地咁矜貴，好似澳門咁攪下賭場賺吓錢咪好囉。睇吓澳門，宜家風山水起，又做世界遺產何厚華又靚仔，香港攪三攪四，叫曾蔭權攪個屁啦，攪到街市ｄ雞咁貴．．．．．．”雄辯的摘自今午巴士阿嬸的說話。係囉係囉，咁多野講，拿住你幾袋菜去登台做騷呀。真係好憎東方日報。
《斷背山》是同性戀的故事，也是借兩個男人說說愛情的耐性和毅力。誰沒有嘗過想念到由騷癢般至痛不欲生。誰未感受過自己是不為世所容的醜陋的暴肥的孤僻古怪世上獨有的天煞孤星。兩個人巧妙的認識，說話談笑到肉體的赤裸裸，再到心靈的赤裸裸，他們經歷的是二十年，二十個快樂又失望的八月。誰愛誰多一點，關上燈只有自己知道。都不要緊，因為信箱還好端端的等待著你說會在老地方燒水張望我。電影真的可以很簡單，但山水馬羊，營火貨車，帳篷柏樹，都可以很深刻。有人偷了你的衣裳好好的聞一遍在黑暗中漫舞然後輕說”我發誓”，你可會感動嗎？如果他是一個文靜的怕事的男孩，一生都沒有走離過大路的，你可會懂得擁抱和同情他嗎？最有力的，是Ennis父親要兩兄弟去看死屍的一幕，害得他說話也結結巴巴，正視人也會害怕。多苦我們的成長藏匿了沒法救治的疤痕。Ennis如是，Newton如是Kafka如是。

072 - 請柬送大埔寨主

快樂，是目睹他人的快樂。
自私，是明知一美元可令小孩快樂都因為怕事而不施予。
戀愛，是懂得放下防範赤裸裸。
聰明，是得到學識還懂得耐心和緘默。
羊群，是沒有任何想法意見俾面上司他要向東向西都誓死跟隨。
完美，是醒來時親暱的耳語著早晨。
心安，是白色床單高高的枕頭給予我的擁抱般的安全感。
誠懇，是知道過程比結果有意義。
成功，是可以生活在不食人間煙火又或極盡入世看人生百態的兩端。
有型，是懂得選擇而不是故作型態。
無奈，是忘記了自己的需要而被美麗的東西矇騙。
自愛，是在每天下午四時自我中心只為自己。
甦醒，是看見和認同自己的美麗。

071 - 無奈那弄人之物

知道，還是什麼都做不了。是壞的還好，不用多心思考。是好的，才忐忑不安。我決定信靠主。祂要我今天看見這些，都是有原因的。


Sun in the Eighth House
Composite Sun in the eighth house may give the two of you a feeling of "fatedness," that this relationship is going to play an important role in your lives, even if it is not a long-term relationship.
You will be exposed to the most basic and profound aspects of your own and your partner's inner nature. Both of you will experience psychological changes through this relationship.
In a sexual relationship, physical sex assumes an unusual importance. Sex is likely to be seen by both of you as an experience that transcends ordinary reality.
The eighth house is also the house of joint resources and property. This position can give the two of you a strong drive to acquire material possessions. Here again it is necessary not to overdo this emphasis. Emotional needs are actually more important than possessions.
Note: The Sun is technically near the end of house 7 and is therefore interpreted in house 8.

Sun Opposition Jupiter
Sun opposition Jupiter in the composite chart has very strong potentials for your relationship, but to get the most out of them will require some effort. You will have very high ideals about what your relationship should be and will not readily settle for less.
The danger of this opposition is that in demanding so much of each other, neither is able to give easily to the relationship. On the other hand you may come to understand the best way for you to grow and realize your ideals together is to help each other rather than simply make demands. This positive side of the aspect should make you grow as people far more rapidly together than you would separately.

Moon in the Second House
The composite Moon in the second house indicates that this relationship will bring out the needs you both have for emotional and material security. In fact, you may have come together because of those needs.
You will have a strong sense of shared values, which will help to reinforce you as a couple against the outside world. Because of this shared feeling, your relationship will grow strong even when there are considerable difficulties between you. But the need for security could keep you together even when that is not the best solution for either of you.
Particularly if this is a marital relationship, you might be trapped into staying together because of what you own rather than because the relationship is working well. Like everything else, possessions must be kept in their place.
Nevertheless, the security that this relationship can offer should be one of its strongest points and should help keep you together when the going gets tough.

Moon Opposition Saturn
The opposition of composite Moon and Saturn can be quite difficult for a personal relationship, especially in terms of your emotional interaction.
The chief danger is that you will not interact emotionally at all, or you will have no mutual understanding of each other's emotional nature. At best, you act distant, and at worst you are hypercritical and intolerant of each other's faults.
With this aspect in the composite chart, it is best not to expect too much of an emotional relationship.

Venus in the First House
Composite Venus in the first house signifies a relationship that is based on love and affection. The ultimate meaning of Venus is attraction based on the ways in which you are different rather than the ways in which you are similar.
You were probably strongly attracted to each other when you first met and as you learn more and more about each other, you remain strongly attracted.
The emotions aroused by Venus are quiet in their expression, friendly rather than wildly passionate. This kind of affection will sustain a relationship for a long time.

Venus Conjunct Jupiter
Venus conjunct Jupiter is one of the best aspects to have in a composite chart. No matter what the purpose of the relationship, this aspect will help fulfill it.
Both of you will feel that this relationship reinforces you and makes life easier to bear. You will feel happier and more optimistic, which will help make events go well for you.
In a personal relationship with this aspect, love and affection are abundant and easily expressed. You love each other for what you are. You are willing to give each other room to be whatever you want, and your experience of each other is not hindered by too-great expectations.
Things can go wrong even with this aspect. But its presence in a composite chart will help the relationship to grow in a positive way and will help both of you to grow within it.

最後的兩段，是我渴求陌生人給我的。

070 - 怎來分昭版醫山

問題一，怎來分昭版醫山? 本人今早無聊，把charles wu 用速成打一遍。分昭版醫山，好似日本人名。”我姓分昭，名版醫山，請多多指教。”

今早又跟randall談話。其實每個人都會有千頭萬緒，可以分享和認識的會是多麼幸運。不是推心切腹，但能夠分擔的相互幫助的，便可以令彼此成長，令我更加看見我自我世界以外的其他東西。好的壞的，值得快樂或警惕的，都應該聽。因為兩個陌生人的認識總都是有原因的。無需要求什麼，可以訴說可以傾聽的，已經很有緣份。情人的山盟海誓，海枯石爛，如果不是因為彼此可以將心比心，又算是什麼。騷之以鼻。

突然，我很懷念IAN，他是我的好朋友，一個令我真正學習和經歷live today as if it's the last day of your life的豁達無私。他幸福，因為愛人朋友家人都在他身邊為他痛苦勞心照顧和開導。他未必知道自己的力量，但他努力面對，去大學演講台上告訴大家他的過去，他的勇敢和無悔，因為生命的甜酸苦辣，都是他的了。生命的盡頭，依依不捨。就是愛與智慧的開始。他於2005年八月離開的，36個365天，便成就了一個生命。他的弟弟matthew於1月13日在倫敦結婚，與他的伴侶Nick在夢一般的後花園和臨時帳篷下拍低午後陽光和氣球高腳杯中二人最天真燦爛的笑容。

我也會害怕，孤獨，病患，絕望。但這就是生命應許的。我們要相信，所有人的快樂與傷害，到最後都是一樣的。

多謝各位送我的甜蜜朱古力，我雖單身，但還自愛和溫存。

069 - 白先生與王先生

他們就是Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong。
從學習中明白，Mr. Right 就是一個會要引起我遐想的最好的朋友。
理想的最好的朋友，就是推心切腹的，沒有秘密和牆壁的，
萬事都可以放心，因為二人坦蕩蕩，不可不知。
Prince Charming 可以是 Mr. Right，但不一定就是Mr. Right。
Prince Charming 可能又美麗又養眼，得到了就好像情人節時女人收到花一般。
窩心又虛榮。
一霎時看上的只是遐想，他告訴你的是你渴望聽的，你說的也只是會令他快樂的。
這是浪漫的，但也是不長久的。
美麗無罪，
但不能開心見誠的，是不應枉費心神的。
不可不知。
我嘗試過一次，由眼見他的平凡，心中還不安，會害怕妒忌想背叛和爭脫，
到在心中看見他的不凡，心中安然，什麼都不怕，安穩的二人三足。
可惜只可這樣子348 天，於一年之約前 17 天到此為止。
我擁有的是348 天的情人節，和一些美好的回憶，
我已覺得有賺。什麼誰虧欠誰辜負，都不打緊的。
因為擁有的全都是我的，無謂催毀它，一拍兩散。

說這說那，也許是因為我要獨自過情人節心有不甘。
但我會好好預備下一次快樂的365個情人節。
寂寞的人有福了，因為不用消費便可吃飽安睡。
不可不知。

068 - 永遠不變的東西

異常無聊的題目。重看《2046》，只覺是一班大人在玩遊戲，行行企企，愚弄觀眾。跟我第一次看時沒什大分別。被人稱為大師的，最怕就是電影看來看去都只是一個樣子。是愛情的後遺症，也是花樣年華的後遺症。有很多東西都只可以做一次，Suede 如是Godard　如是無間道如是尼采如是。自己效自己顰，只會是可笑。
題目，出於周慕雲（在《花》是型人，在《2046》是爛仔）口中，說王靖雯問他這世界有沒永遠不變的東西。意指木村的愛。可能因為王家衛也許是個成熟得很幼稚，又或幽默的人，要梁朝偉問這些”何苦相信”的事實。

真實的是，”有些事情要來的時候，總是不知不覺的”。誓神劈願憎恨的討厭的陌生的有一天會走在一起，想不通在一夜之間發生。我們是被動的，”因為愛情是有時間性的，認識太遲或太早，結果都會不能。”娘到不行。其他內容無謂講，鏡頭拍得奪目，色彩技巧構圖間隔透視都很有水準。that's all.　去2046的火車，遲鈍的機械人，都只是笑話。更笑話的是，中國導演的對自己電影中的CG要求一定很低，陳凱歌的《無極》如是。不過2046中的火車與未來世界，都比《無》的有心思。

王菲於《有時愛情徒有虛名》（又一無厘頭娘爆歌名）中說，
不知不覺進入
愛不釋手的遊戲
不知不覺發現
一切早安排就緒

又於　《不眠飛行》（你自己話．．．我話娘到死）中說，
合上眼睛數啊數數啊數
並無一隻綿羊跳得比你高比你好
夢到獅子將你帶走怎算好
你這麼好 數到2047 還未夠數

估唔到王菲都幾忠於這電影。

067 - 三百六十五堂課

每天一堂課，要好好的睜大眼睛看世界。三百六十五個教訓，通通記下我們成長三百六十五次。

陌生人，感謝你，讓我有人想等待。
還記得，夢中把紅豆多士包好放在你信箱中給你當早餐。
還送給你一朵潔淨的小白蘭。
好讓你微笑又飽足的上班去。

066 - 奧菲莉接受教晦

he said his door will always be opened for me. Once.
he held my bag for me. Once.
he said he will never forget these deep and persistent pupils. Once.
he called me and apologized his forgetting to say goodbye. Once.
he said he would bring me to where he used to live. Once.
he said that was the sweetest summer afternoon in October. Once.
he said he would fload me with chocolate. Once.
he said some more. Once.
and then he stopped saying anything, and vanished.

I took them all in, and take them as my own. I believed in them. I believe they meant what they had said. Once. Maybe because I'm stubborn, stupid, or numb. I believe one speaks to please. It had been my honour to own such flattery. One day, I'll pass it on to someone else, they'll feel haunted about it. We do so until one day we understand the true meaning of unconditional love. This, ignited through compassion, admiration, adoration and commitement, will florish and grant us true happiness. I am ready to give, Please just make yourselves home. Sincerely.

I would act the way happiness brings him. If giving him nothing makes him happy, that's what I'll do. Yes that's what I'll do.

in HAMLET, ACT.1, SCENE3,Polonius told Ophelia to keep away from Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark who recently discovered his father's Spirit armed cap-a-pie, helmet with beaver up.

Polonius said such,
"These blazes, Giving more light than heat,
extinct in both, even in their promise as it is a-making."

meaning all these blazes (the love and vows of Hamlet in honourable fashion to Ophelia) would die out as soon as they appear. Polonius saw it the old man's way, and Ophelia took it for her father's sake. If this is the truth, where is the prove of love's existence? The rush of blood to the head that conjured up all these infatuations? How would they be satisfied and fulfiled? Vows? Touch? Kiss? Sex? Unconditional giving? How would you give charge to he who summoned up all these nuissances? To a stranger, a wink, a nod or a free drink, where do we go from there? If it really exists the moment it faded, MAY IT BE DESTRUCTIVE, AMBIVALENT, OVERWHELMING, THUNDERSTUCK, EXCRUCIATING, INTIMATE, AND FORMIDABLE. no more single would then pass the line of the teasers, no more couples could bear the grief of seperating. This is the meaning of love, the Scorpio's way.

065 - 義無反顧但又怕

生命短暫，深刻的每一秒都應該很有意義。最怕是忘記自己哪方向走，最怕是遺失了心於看不見的地方，最怕是被五光十色矇騙了自己的眼睛，最怕是誤會的眼角眉梢要我捉錯用神。

我做事要不求其放心，要不義無反顧。也許太絕對，是的，我的喜惡是形於色又進取肯定的。不要如不明所以的人一般以為這就是裝腔作勢扮有型，天蠍座都是這麼生活的。要不把您愛得盡，要不一針刺穿您心。我不會後悔，因為生命是有關於問題與解決的重複，對的錯的，都是要生活下去的。快樂與其要是短暫的，便要放大，傷害若是刻骨銘心的，多一點我都不怕。怕的，是曖昧未知，得不到，半苦半甜，若即若離，妄想著什麼今天明天，手心卻只有汗。白白霧出的汗，是為了讓我記得自己的幼稚，勇敢為未知的渴求去用心。花的，沒有浪費。未留著你卻仍然溫暖，幸好我還不多貪。人可以戀愛真好，我們與世界都會多一點聯繫與感受。

溫柔
欲罷不能剪不斷
似近還遠
迷失於自我本原
望不穿
借來填的終會完
猶疑的一剎心願
濃或淡總是混亂
但心照不宣
愛眷
是痛苦的才完全

用心一個月，看不透的就交托於主的心。希望祂一直保守我的心寧，不要被不屬我的美麗的東西矇騙，謹慎於聽從主的話語。

064 - 偶斷絲連的隱喻

還記得偶斷絲連嗎? 北野武的浪漫愛情之作，拍得美麗而納悶，不過女子用大綢緞拖著男子的心，我從來都忘不了。因為我從來這般做都是沒有結果的。

線於是令人有遐想。看那纖幼的綱絲的力量，可把天扯到地。輕彈絲線可以是音樂，又是感應生命存在愛仰的交流。木偶被扯上的是生存的可活的表徵，黑色雲天上線的末端便是他們的神話。《木偶迷城》便是以感應作為隱喻的電影。不是講爭脫和自由 (因為我們都是走不掉的扯線公仔，爭脫了還是要過日子，又或是根本想像不了沒有線牽的生命可是什麼樣)，而是講人與人(WELL, 木偶與木偶)認識的連線。世上有陌生人，是要我們學習自彼此認識中成長與珍惜。沒有兩個人是因為沒有什麼大不了而認識，就算是笑一笑的，甚至是夢中才看見過的。

I END WHERE YOU BEGIN, YOU END WHERE I BEGIN. 我們彼此交流是天上扯線的精緻安排，可以感應到的，便能夠飛天遁地，我舉起手時，您的便會放下；我輕彈絲線，遠方您會感應又聽見音樂。沒有被安排要纏在一起的，就是怎麼辦，都不會誠心所願。這便是盲目的愛。是簡單又感性的，深邃的。兩個人被注定走在一起是幸運的。

愚昧的人，又怎會知道什麼是連著呢。所以我們會是進取又害怕的。但以誠意去渴望，渴望令被愛的人快樂，我知道自己的進取很快便會得到無以上之的回報。要學習忍耐。love is a gift awaiting to be received.


"it's a grand thing to be loved, but it's even grander to love."
-- Victor Hugo

063 - 無端出現的迷湯

別叫我太感激你
藥水色太精美
別要我吃出滋味
愉快得 知覺麻痺

為甚麼 呵護我
當我痊癒了 可吃甚麼
為甚麼 感動我
等我難習慣 最低痛楚

怕甚麼 怕愛人
扶著情感 得到禮品總會敏感
怕甚麼 怕習慣豁出去愛上他人
但卻不懂去 弄完假再成真

別錯碰我的手臂 毛管不夠爭氣
別賜我太多福氣 令美點 都掛住你

為甚麼 寵壞我
等我難習慣 半掩被窩

怕甚麼 怕被迷魂
扶著感情 得到細心只怕喪心
愛甚麼 愛令我勇於報答太多人
但卻不知道 如何死裡逃生

--《迷魂記》林夕

062 - 毫不猶豫向前行

我決志要相信交托上主的能力。
只有主為我作的一切事都是最好的安排。
假若上主沒有給予的，那沒有就是好的，或是上主要我看見其他的事情。
於是我看上了一個人，然後我依舊不知如何是好，
因為這個人口說現在不是生命中適合的時間。
也許是彼此的歷史，也許是年齡的分野，
也許是根本沒有什麼可以令不相干的走在一起。

我於是禱告，
我渴望主能夠賜予我力量，不要讓佔有的慾望矇騙我的智慧，
令我作不應該作的事與念頭。
我也渴望主能教導我令這個人快樂，因為愛人的就是希望被愛的快樂。

說得對的，就是"生命中最大的快樂就是能夠感應到他人的快樂"。
我相信，所以我會毫不猶豫的去愛，要讓被我所愛的人快樂，
也就是我愛人的道理。
情人節到了，寂寞的人有福了。
因為花和禮物都只是guilt present，
是他們修補364天沒細心看顧情人的償還。

如果情人節就如每一天一樣看著
晨曦灑在情人臉上和米色床單上的細緻的呼吸，
然後靜靜為他作個好的早餐。
如果365天都是這麼開始，有沒情人節我的愛都會流瀉。

"天曉得，既然說，你快樂於是我快樂。
玫瑰都開了，我還想怎麼呢?
求之不得，求不得，天造地設一樣的難得，
喜怒和哀樂，有我來重蹈你覆轍。"
這是大家都渴望看到的。很美麗的兩個人。


相信我，我雖然年輕幼稚，但我看見和明白的都很多。
我雖然看上去很難觸摸，但我是一個很盡情去愛的忠實有餘的人。
請信任我的愚蠢。