一個懂事的人模樣

差不多三個月了，是時候又想想外出走走的刺激。海活說這是應該做的，也該是愛看看大世界的人的態度。我最渴望的，就是可以去到更遠的地方看看這世界。但我一直都很害怕，害怕沒有人欣賞，自己又不夠好不夠多才多藝，又怕一個人孤獨不知所措。
the fact might be that i know what i want so clearly that it's become surreal when it comes to how it should be undergone. It's like Mr. pillow. It should always be the omen to the imaginative individuals, idealising events so that they're alienated from reality for, and, could never be portraited as a happy being since then. The best has already been undercovered, what is then to be seen is just truth, that people don't love you the way you wanted, for that they don't love you at all, or that people they just don't know how to realize esctatic fantasies, and always ended up in muds and pieces. This is dangerous.
"Knowing what's dangerous is the look of a matured man. Precribe your dreams, associate it with the what you could possibly see. they're supposed to be plain, pale and unpleasant most of the time. Bear with it, you had your fun in your dreams."

在我的夢中，我看見父親的那家，一間醜陋的如公眾游泳池廁所的一間屋。這屋住著他和他那醜陋的女朋友。他邀請了我們到他家吃飯，她穿著一件暴露的黃色連身裙，不稱身的年輕感覺很難受，像妓女。這女朋友的也許都喜歡黃色，因屋子的外牆上也有一些老套的黃色波浪紋理，就像一間醜陋的如公眾游泳池廁所一般。她做了一道雞蛋包著肉的卷。我們說了很多話，廢話。婆婆都來了，真想不到。洪美瑾然後說 "婆婆一見到我, 便狠狠的打我一記耳光, 我哭了..."我拿起一條雞蛋肉卷向女朋友背上擲去，然後不斷弄髒她的裙，說"婆婆不喜歡人穿暴露的黃色連身裙，既然弄髒了，換了它吧，換了它吧！"
她進了房內向父親哭訴，如水中落難的伊人，一點也不能令人動心。我看見了，便扮作她虛偽的哭起來。父親說 "不要假裝在哭了，我聽不到她說的話"，然後我揮拳向父親的面擊去。從來沒有一次發夢是會讓我醒過來後那麼渴望繼續謾罵下去。真令人討厭的一個父親。