upbeat

There are things i should have had acknowledged. London made me confront them. myself, me, i. depression, solitude, walls and silence.

move on, be faithful. i cried some more these days, last minute. i turned towards the corner, nobody was behind me. they used to call my name whenever i disappear. my illusion. i have nothing in my hands, i thought they were made of gold. snow. i thought i was gold, so i turned the corner. Looked back, nobody, they look through me. yes they always do.

a race, i am leading in front. final sprint, office corridor. a door at the end, the destination. my competitor needs water, he screamed, dehydration killing his brain cells. i had a sock and i threw it to him. he thought it was water and stopped. i took my time and ran faster, got to the door and push it open.

Vast room with a tv hanging at the corner. decent people in suits sitting on sofas everywhere, i couldn't see the carpet of the floor. they looked at me in shock, dismay and indifference. greenish flourescence i see no eyes only cheekbones and white eyebrows. I stood by the door, blank. an old man at the corner shouted, 'running that fast, could you still stand straight now?' a few chuckled.

the tv focused on the runner up who thought the sock was water. he was being interviewed. the reporter was asking his how he felt. He lost, and thought the sock was water, but he is the star. I was the unwanted winner, the undesired misfit. i hold on tight to my napsack, but the sheets never pull themselves together anymore. wishful thinking, you are not supposed to be by the door at all.

the facade. shadows and corners. my architecture. me. mediocre.